I’m married to a non-custodial parent who doesn’t get to see his children because of her alcoholism and parental alienation. We pay and have paid child support and will continue to do so dispite the sad fact that the kids aren’t getting any benefit from the money at all….but it is the law, right or wrong.
He helped produce the children and has his own part in their divorce and breakup after 17 years of marriage. He’s also in the Army reserve and runs the risk of losing half his retirement to her because of another law….right or wrong….and such is life.
Now that my divorce is in to its second year and I see the damage that is being done in our court systems I only have one thing to believe in.
A TIME FOR A REVOLUTION.
Everyone tells me that honey is better than vinegar and that we need to use the system to defeat the system. If you truly believe that then we should all be paying our taxes to the king this year. No we as AMERICA did what we had to do
FIGHT and spill blood.
So this is what we must do to the court systems. Drown it in its entirety and do what ever is legal and ILLEGAL until the laws are changed.
Until the kids were grown and you weren’t paying anylonger……or until you went into another relationship and started the entire cycle all over again…..
And when the fighting is all over, what do you win?
Read the posts from young teens in the “Yeah Dude” club here…… they don’t like what you’re doing to them one bit…..and it’s them who are suffering and learning by behavior of parents – custodial and non custodial – how to lead their lives….how not to break out of the bad relationship and divorces of a legacy that they’ve been shown…how not to be civil and decent to one another when things end between a couple…..again, the losers are the innocents that we continue to deliver to the world.
I wonder what the founding fathers would say to you if they were here to say it. Might they say something like this.
“[I]t does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people’s minds….”
Sometimes those pesky Founders have such a way of putting things to right:
“If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”
I do not post here often anymore because I agree that this forum is not much more at this point than a support group.
But I can tell you that if we do not find a peaceful way to get the attention we must have to make change among society, The change will happen anyway and it will be dramatic and consequential.
This club has grown quite a bit over the last year. 230 people could hardly make a difference, Unless these 230 people can make enough noise to get public attention. We will not be able to change laws in family court.
I think that we could make a difference.
I agree with Certifiable Patriot. and to add to what he is saying about paying child support. we could start making noise By joining every public forum on the internet and post a message daily that tells everyone we paid our child support today.
Us 230 people paying child support on a daily basis can in a short period of time with gathered support of other groups can create a huge problem for the child support system. the book keeping would be tremendous. this could be done legally and would make lots of noise. If we can bury the system in paper work we can make a change. Online installment loans for bad credit could help us a lot. Take a loan each time you need to make a payment – and it results in even more paperwork for the system.
Another thing we can do is every time we go to pay we take it to the family support division directly and secure a receipt. While doing that we could drop off Information in the offices that show what is happening to our children because of this oppressive system.
In political clubs of which I am a member I have managed to get people who have not yet been raped by the system to change their stance on the retorich they have bought.
So the question stands. Are we to get a hold of an idea stick together and at the very least give something a try.
I say we stick it to the tax payers and see if we cannot effect a change.
You comment derisively that “are we to be nothing but support groups for one another” and yet, you use this forum as your own form of therapy……you’re also obviously looking for support of one type or another and chatting on message boards is an inexpensive therapy for many people.
You’re wanting to reform the system – when the very simple answer is for people to stop having children. It’s that simple. And yet that difficult.
If humans were fair and honest, think about it…there would be no need for laws or systems at all.
But humans are humans.
Despite the religions they immerse themselves in, they don’t follow the dictates of their beliefs. They harm one another in so many ways….that there’s no alternative but to create a system to handle the misconduct….it’s inevitable and unavoidable….
You’re late – there’s no laws that say you have to stop at a four way intersection – but there’s an unwritten law that says everyone stops, looks and then proceeds…..but you’re late….so you run the corner and strike another car….killing people……there has to be a system…and it’s only as complex as we force it to become.
In Connecticut, the judge can inquire as to the reasons for the sudden unemployment and set child support accordingly. You need to inquire not only into the reasons why she left her job but also into the efforts she has made to look for work. What headhunter firms has she registered with, when did she last update her resume (be a real prick, subpoena her computer), what firms has she applied to, what jobs have opened up that she DIDN’T apply to? If she quit her job to avoid paying child support, she could be in a world of hurt in front of some judges.
As for the defamation issue, the question is whether you can find an attorney to take the case AND whether she has any assets against which you can levy a judgment. Its nice to get a jury award, its even better for the defendant to actually have money.
Some of you know my case where I have been fighting for my children’s custody for almost three years now. I have been awarded custody by four judges already but she has been manipulating the system with appeals and delays to continue to receive child support and control situations. In GA when she appeals the decision reverts to the original decision.
I am at the end of the fight since she only has one more appeal, the one she has already filed to the Supreme Court. My son turn 14 this Friday and he has already ask to move in with me by next Monday and live with me. She is very aware that her chances to gain custody for my daughter is practically zero and that it won’t be long before they are both living with me.
All of the sudden, a career woman that makes anywhere between 50 to 80K+ a year, is unemployed. She has no job and is supposedly searching for one or possibly start a company where she will not be making money until the company is profitable. Clearly she is trying to evade child support payments. Does anyone know what courts think about a situation like this? What can I do?
Also, my ex is making a carrier out of bad mouthing me. I have been called everything from wife beater, child beater, scam artist, etc, etc, and worst. I truly can care less what she says. The problem is that she has done this with two day cares, plus the friends we had in these day cares, plus three different soccer team parents for my son, and even teachers at our children’s schools. I have gone from people really liking me and enjoying spending time with me to being a hermit and isolated. I go see my son play soccer and sit with the visitor team. I have even been fussed out by a soccer parent of what I am doing to poor little ex.
I truly give a rats a$$ what they think even though four judges have heard the whole story and not one side, but it is absolutely not acceptable to put my son on a situation where friends are questioning his Father and if what they heard is true. To make it worst, she talks bad about me to other parents in front of my children.
Is there any way I can sew her for slander or anything similar (defamation of character?)?
She needs to be stopped. I don’t care about getting money. If i did get money I would just pay my legal fees and put the rest on my children’s college fund.
Any good suggestions?
Sorry, but I don’t agree that delaying a child support payment is the way to go, for the simple fact that it directly affects children in an adverse way. That shouldn’t be a goal.
I do agree that we must all take action and speak up to make our voices be heard. I am in the process of doing the following:
- Writing to my legislators at least once or twice a month. I let them know how family law issues affect our family, and give them stories from other families. I make a point to introduce myself to my legislators when they are in town, and attempt to engage them in a discussion regarding family law issues. I am always cordial and polite, yet to the point.
- I have agreed to host a new chapter of an established organization called R-KIDS of Minnesota (Remember Kids in Divorces) in my town so that other non-custodial parents can join and make their voices and stories told. The mission of this org is to change legislation regarding family law issues, i.e. child support, maintenance, med insurance, parenting time, etc.
- I keep track of what other organizations in my area/state are doing, such as the battered womens groups. They seem to be doing the most harm towards non-custodial parents in this state, because of their claims that most “men are abusers or potential abusers” and don’t deserve access to their kids. You know the drill.
- Read Sun Tzu, “The Art of War”. Sun Tzu was an ancient chinese leader who taught perfected the art of strategy. This is “bible” for many military leaders in history and can be used to help nearly anyone achieve their goals when in “war”. It doesn’t promote violence, but is a more goal-oriented book. Read it…its so simple to understand and will enlighten you on “how to win”.
- Keep track of what is going on in legislation, task forces, supreme court opinions, etc. Our state currently has a 2-year child support guidelines review task force sponsored by the state human services agency. I requested copies of minutes of their monthly meetings, and I write to members of the task force to voice my opinion. The final report will be presented to the legislature in January.
- Write letters to the editor. Eventually you will get published.
- Write to TV/radio reporters and let them know how you feel. It works. The other day a twin cities tv station did a story on “femicide” and reported how many women and children had been killed because of domestic violence. I immediately emailed the reporter to ask why she didn’t include any numbers for MEN who had been killed bc of DV. She wrote back and said that she had been bombarded by letters from men who wondered the same thing. Now she is planning to do a story on “battered men” and domestic violence!!! We have exchanged several emails since then and I am providing her with more sources and contacts.
There is a lot we can do to make our voices be heard. Do your best and don’t give up. The squeaky wheel gets the grease first…that’s why the laws are how they are…the feminists have been squeaking for years now. Start squeaking to everyone who will listen, but be polite and knowledgeable. *S*
First, let me thank you for saying you like my idea. It gives me hope. And if you are asking how you can help, even though your payments are garnished by the courts, well then, that gives me hope also! At this time, it would please greatly me to answer such a Reasonable question. Last week, you see, I had battled some members in another club, having to remind them: “The FORUM in which you are speaking is supposed to be for persons who want to change the System, not for those who wish to scorn men.” It seems there is currently an invasion of these arrogant and vengeful persons which has spread throughout all the most wholesome and well-meaning groups and clubs–AND NO ONE WILL STAND UP TO FIGHT!!! In an environmentalist club I belong to (also last week), I confounded the members of the [entire] group of them by agreeing that Gore was best for the environment; and I confronted them then with the fact that their Gore/Lieberman ticket also has the most notorious record for man’s inhumanities towards man–and non custodial parents! I caused it to become a matter of “environmentalism vs. humanism”–and believe I was successful to some degree, at least, in getting a few to vote for Bush. There truly is something to be said for both “friendly persuasion,” and forcefulness.
And so now perhaps the reader knows why I am so pleased to answer how he or she can help!
It is agreed and understandable that many persons may not be able to stop their employer from garnishing their wages and follow along with the course of action I mentioned previously. Contrarywise, I have had employers who said they would not hire me, were I to cause them to have to make such payments, and garnish my wages (as they are required by law!). For every one of us who is truly unable to defy the System and withhold a sum of money for some period, there are dozens who can, and must.
Perhaps a person could send extra payments amongst the others to make extra work for the agencies? The payments would not have to be large in order to serve our common purpose and show our disobedience? Or simply sign the declaration I speak of showing your favor for our good cause, and leave those other Talents to us whom they’ve been given.
Perhaps we could all influence others (including our most patriotic employers) by becoming familiar with and able to use the words of Rousseau, Paine, Madison, and others? It might be wise to study the Bill of Rights, become more knowledgeable, and thus better prepared to put up a decent fight for us all?
As it is late and I am tired, I will close with this to also consider: “When wickedness proceeds from the wicked, it is often done with both hands, and greedily. Why not may we proceed with our usefulness, even with both hands, and greedily watching for opportunities?” And finally: “Methinks, that the word of the Lord, may be a burden unto us; if we have any Honor in us, it will be so!” (Cotton Mather, “Essays to do Good”)
As we try to influence others, we must not be willing to back down so easily. I am really getting tired to be associated with wimps!
You do NOT agree, I must therefore assume, that the present System is rife with injustice; causes a degradation of society (because its laws are too complicated and are unenforceable); and produces long term grevious and regrettable emotional problems for our children? You do NOT believe the lives of non custodial parents and their families are presently being ruined–and the children made to suffer!–because of undue burdens placed upon them by that Society of caseworkers, social workers, lawyers, judges, and our unrelenting media? I thought these things were common knowledge to the members of our club, but perhaps I am mistaken?
It is true, as you say: humans are the cause and solution to our problems. Do you feel as Kierkegaard, such that: “Twaddle, rubbish, and gossip is what people want, not action…The secret of life is to chatter freely about all one wishes to do and how one is always being prevented–and then do nothing?”
Personally, I am tired of hearing the stories of untold numbers of persons affected by this misguided System. Are we nothing but support groups for victims of the evil Society, or are there ANY of us who are willing to take action? Jefferson puts it nicely, when he ponders: “Timid men…prefer the calm of despotism to the boisterous sea of liberty.” (Jefferson). But not so nicely, Paine says my feelings about inaction more precisely: “The heart that feels not now, is dead: The blood of his children shall curse his cowardice, who shrinks back at a time when a little might have saved the whole, and made THEM happy.” And further: “‘Its the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves of his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.”
Insofar as “anarchy” and civil disobedience have in common a disruption of the status quo, I am indeed calling for radical changes to be accomplished as quickly as possible–and with the most pressing and immediate level of urgency necessary. Voting against the Majority is a fruitless effort. Ask anyone who has been doing it a considerable period about their success, and you will find they’ve had little or none!
I am sorry if my style of writing offends some of you, or you do not like all of my extremist opinions. I am only trying to encite and arouse the readers, and members, so they will join me and make a stand for the right. What I think is “strange” is that no one will join me! How long will you all remain pansies, patsies, pushovers, and wimps?
No, the solution is not simple. I suggest we as a nationwide body begin paying support on our own terms, rather then those of the government. Pay every other month, for example, in an act of defiance until we are heard and the laws are finally changed. If we made our payments ahead of time, or slightly late, it could cause no harm for the children and, at the same time, send a powerful message to the lawmakers. Then, if we had a list of our grievances, and a Committee of the Whole to present them for us, and citizens willing to work with the government to change laws, abolish laws, and create new ones, perhaps then something will be accomplished? Do you suppose there are enough Humans among us for such a solution to have a chance? Perhaps my ideas are strange to many of you? By posting my message(s), I am only seeking to find those of you who are like-minded, and are tired of the cheap talk and false sympathies of these groups who do nothing for our cause.
Why isn’t the cost for the medical and dental insurances used when figuring child support? I have never had anyone even mention or recognize the fact that I pay all the premiums for myself and my two boys and also pay half for any other co-pays, medical bills, etc.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I positively don’t mind paying for anything that my boys need but, I just think that maybe someone could recognize the fact that these are real $costs$ and shouldn’t be ignored.
It seems that these are never really figured into any calculations we as Fathers are to abide by.
Why are these $$costs$$ never looked at when setting C.S. guidelines?
I love my boys more than life itself and would never do anything to reduce their health/dental coverages.
This is just a question that was born during the “Open Enrollment” insurance month.
Thanks for the time
At the outset, I’m going to admit that I haven’t a clue what this gentleman’s solution is.
It sounds a little bit like spam to me – especially as his identity reveals so little about him.
However, I view with extreme suspicion any “legal” advice that is not given by an attorney.
Lawyers are expensive but there are some good reasons why you should use one:
- especially in smaller communities, knowledge of prevailing local legal trends (as in which way is the judge likely to go) counts for as much, if not more, than the status of the law.
- knowledge of the credibility and reputation of the attorney representing your soon-to-be-ex spouse can be critical to determining how much pain you may suffer during the divorce.
- lawyers are covered by malpractice insurance for errors they make in giving legal advice and many lawyers routinely have minimum limits of $1 million.
- questions asked of an attorney for the purpose of seeking legal advice are covered by the attorney-client privilege of confidentiality.
So when are WE going to really do something and act together to fight THAT Society which feeds upon our children and families? The Laws we consider vary from state to state; and each county Enforces the laws differently; and so it means little to ALL of us if any one group succeeds–or fails. Even the presidency does not matter for us, as I see it, because the political juggernaut of bureaucracy is a waste of valuable time which we cannot afford. We cannot fight every law in every state which is unfair–because there are simply too many! We only fool ourselves if we think we have ever succeeded greatly thus far. I only see things getting worse! And furthermore,VOTING IS ONLY A FEEBLE WISH FOR THE RIGHT TO PREVAIL!!!
So what I am wondering is who among us has an idea how we can act together to show a nationwide unity for our common cause? Before any laws are going to be changed significantly, appropriately, and properly, all of the many groups, clubs, and organizations will have to unite under one banner. They will have to somehow form a COMMITTEE OF THE WHOLE, as it were, and agree with general concepts to create and craft an common opinion for us all to sign and Declare ourselves a part of!!!
If we do not hang together, we shall surely each hang separately: It is true! Offering each other advice to seek attorneys and other counseling surely becomes a necessary and noble service for Humanity. However, until enough of us join together and make our empty sack stand upright, we will continue to be called pansies, patsies, pushovers, wimps, and deadbeats!!!
Are the readers only “summer soldiers and sunshine patriots?” Patrons of virtue who do nothing? Tell me, who is a true patriot among us, and is willing to act for the good of us all??? In Photos, you can see “my propaganda machine” with my picture, and heed my broken snake NCP banner which says JOIN, or DIE!
First, you need to file an injucntion ordering her not to move the children from the state without the approval of the courts. Even if it is against the law in your state, or it says that she cannot move in the custody degree, the fact is that they will move anyway. Than, by the time you get into court to make a case for why she should return the children back to the state, they have settled in and the judge will not wish to disrupt that. With an injunction, if she does it anyway, you can go to court immediately to file for a change of custody.
Now, you shoudl knwo that the National Organization for Women is taking on these type of cases, to push them to the Supreme Court level. They argue that it is a violation of her right of freedom of movement. And as long as she has primary custody of the children, she has the legal equivilent of ownership of them. Both California and New York Supreme courts have ruled that mother cannot be prevent from moving, regardless of the relationship of the children with the father. They are now attempting that in Missouri. And I can tell you, they have a lot more money than you or any father’s group to fight it.
You have to do your best to make an argument for why they children need you, and that the step-father cannot replace you. You may want to file for full custody of them.
Now, this is what we do at the National Congress for Fathers & Children. We educate you on your rights and how to fight for them. Most especially, you have to learn to collect the evidence, and not rely on an attorney to do it for you. The main thing is you need to move on this right away. You can file the injunction, Pro Se. That will be your first step. I can gaurantee you will likely have to go for custody, so you need to be prepared for that possibility.
My ex has remarried and wants to move to another state.Her boyfriend moved to Idaho from Wy.
They lived together for 8 to 9 months.He was gainfully employeed in Idaho.They got Married and now she want to move to Wy. where he is from.He has already moved and she has stayed here in Idaho.
Please tell me she can not move.I am looking for any one who has gone through this and can help me.
My ex tried to move to MN last year but according to our divorce decree she can’t move out of a 100 mile radius without written consent from me or the courts. She has to prove to the courts that the move is in the best interest of the child to a financially stable environment. If she is taking a pay cut by moving and would raise your child support or the move would prevent your relationship with your child to develop then the courts will side with you.
Check to see what your decree and/or state guidelines have to say.
The beneficiaries named are the children (50%) and myself (current wife at 50%). The ex is upset because the policy is split…she wants the children to get 100% of the policy, but the divorce decree only says that he must maintain a $100K policy and include the children as beneficiaries. When she found out that the policy also named me, she wants the coverage increased so the kids get it all, and I get none.
We’re just wondering if she has a basis to take him to court over this…but we seriously doubt it.
The court has broad discretion whether or not
to require life insurance as security. They both agreed on the amount and terms at the time of divorce and were represented by counsel at the time. Its highly doubtful a judge would modify the amount of a life insurance policy…but just wondering if anyone else has had this type of modification.
I live in RI and I am going back to court on several issues and nowhere was mentioned that I had to have insurance on my life with either the ex or children as beneficiaries. I am not insurable because of a handicap and therefore when I was placed on permanent disability my life insurance policy went from >$100,000 to $25,000 and when the divorce decree is finalized I will be putting in the beneficiary I want.
I also am working to place all my other assets into a revocable trust with me as the administrator and beneficiary —– this is legal so I am proceding in that direction plus it bypasses probate and the courts.